Stop Defending the Castle: Why Modern Productivity is Failing Women
If you identify as a woman, read on to find out how to make your life more productive with less effort or complexity. If you don't, read on to find out how to make it easier for the women around you.
Modern productivity is like a tower defense game. If you’ve ever played one, you know the drill: build defenses, fend off attackers, and keep going, and going, and going. Because here’s the kicker—the game’s designers have programmed your inevitable defeat. The game succeeds when you keep playing, watching ads, or making in-app purchases.
Does that sound exhausting and eerily relatable? It should. It’s an apt metaphor for how we’ve started approaching our lives in a post-social, economically deranged world where to earning a liveable wage with rising prices needs hustle, sacrifice, and luck. We’re asked to optimize—work smarter, not harder—and achieve not just what generations before us easily could, but go beyond to justify all their efforts (and lackdiasical approach to how changing work policies, breakdown of social support systems, and move from a community-driven to individual-driven society would impact their future generation). The result: burnout. overwhelm. a nagging sense that no matter how much we do, it’s never enough.
I know this because I live it every day.
Building (and Breaking) My Productivity Castle
I’m a startup founder, operator, functional nutrition coach focusing on female health, and self-proclaimed productivity geek. Getting-things-done is considered a virtue in the world I come from, professionally and personally. I’ve built a second brain (thanks
!), mastered menu planning, created SOPs for everything I possibly can to make processes smoother, use apps like Superhuman and Sunsama (they’re really good, no doubt about it) along with making complex iOS shortcuts a muscle memory, to squeeze every last drop of efficiency out of my day.They do make my life easier and more structured, but despite all my carefully constructed systems and the pride I hold in how much I’m able to get done regularly, I continue to find myself overwhelmed and in a never-ending cycle of ‘there’s so much more to do’. IT. JUST. NEVER. ENDS. Makes you wonder what’s the point of all the productivity if work won’t stop piling on to you, doesn’t it? Take this morning: I had a fight with my spouse about the division of domestic responsibilities because I felt buried under the mental load. I have it better than most people I know, personally and professionally. I have a flexible career where I get to decide my work load, who I work with, and work timings. I am able to give myself personal time for rest, creative pursuits, and fitness. I don’t have kids. I live in a 2-person household with my spouse, and a support team who manages daily work for us. Most importantly, I’m blessed with a partner who is extremely involved in sharing domestic responsibilities because of his baseline belief systems and we don’t have domestic or professional responsibilities divided by gender. But the demands I place on myself—and that society places on women in general, which I’ve grown up seeing my mum perform all her life—still feel like an unrelenting siege that I can’t seem to wrap my head or calendar around without being drained out.
This video is from 1983. It shows a problem faced by women the world over. 40 years from then, what has changed?
I ask all my clients to rest. To give themselves a break. To find more comfort in just being. To prioritise. To work on regulating their nervous system. But it’s also one of the hardest things for us to do as women. It’s easier for me to give them a meal plan, but the real change will happen when they start prioritizing themselves and their comforts. I struggle to lead by example every day.
In this game of endless doing, society loves to glorify the “Superwoman”—always productive, perpetually achieving, and forever “on.” What happens when women rest? Our cultural narrative doesn’t leave room for that. Resting women are vilified, and seen as lazy, unambitious, or selfish.
This is a deep-rooted bias:
We admire women who sacrifice themselves for others. The entire trope of the giving mother, wife, daughter, and sister is based on the narrative that women are ‘better’ at caregiving due to their gender (and not because of socialisation). A woman who does not sacrifice herself for others is not woman enough.
We resent women who unapologetically receive care, maybe as a cover-up for the hurt the rest of us feel in not receiving such care. We need to redirect our discomfort and hatred to the institutions, systems, and (our own) beliefs that make it difficult for us to receive rest and care.
Side note: Why are productivity books for women in self-help and not business sections in bookstores? What’s with them being ‘pink’? Where are productivity books for men that focus on how they can create a better domestic environment around them? Where are the men who are looking to take up more of the domestic workload thanks to their advanced systems of productivity? I think we have enough productivity recommendations on individual optimisation, and just not enough on how we can take our community together with us.
These conflicting messages also create a toxic cycle of striving and guilt, especially if your social media is full of glorified lives of successful people who seem to have it easy. For years, I had also internalized the belief that my worth was tied to my accomplishments. I’m on the road to recovery and have made concentrated efforts towards moving to a more at-rest lifestyle in the coming years (see my annual review article for more on this) without necessarily slowing down. I’m trying to move away from the always-on and always-doing nature that’s become default to me.
The Systemic Injustice of Productivity
Modern productivity systems haven’t been designed for or around women. They’re modelled on a male 24-hour hormonal cycle (the circadian rhythm), which doesn’t account for the unique fluctuations of the female hormonal cycle (the infradian rhythm). These highly optimised systems also fail to take into account the importance of domestic lives and their rhythms in enabling a family (and thereby the society) to flourish. Or, even how much of life and caretaking happens outside of the spreadsheet, which invariably falls on the women of the household to manage or perform if the man is busy ‘optimising for productivity’. One of my favourite writers,
, has written a wonderful piece about this.
Most productivity advice assumes a blank slate: a person with complete control over their time, energy, and environment—a limitless capacity to mold their life. But this framework operates in isolation, ignoring societal, hormonal, and cultural realities, especially those unique to women. It’s advice designed for a hyper-individualistic world, far removed from the community-driven cultures many of us actually inhabit.
Society tells us we can “have it all,” but that promise comes with strings attached: we’re expected to shatter glass ceilings, manage households flawlessly, and raise children who reflect well on us—all without missing a beat. Admitting it’s too much is practically forbidden; women who rest or receive care are often judged harshly, sometimes even by other women. I’m no exception—I’ve been guilty of dismissing other women’s choices when they prioritize rest, enjoyment, or ease over relentless striving. These observations are as much about my own growth as they are about broader cultural truths.
Why Traditional Productivity Advice Can Feel Lacking for Women
Here’s why I believe traditional productivity advice falls short for women:
1. The "Effortless Perfection" Pressure
We’re often expected to excel without showing effort. Society idolizes "effortless perfection," where striving, pushing, or even acknowledging hard work is seen as unfeminine. Enter movements like “soft life”, “chill girl”, “slowmaxxing”, and more, which adds a new layer to this paradox: the pressure to exude calm and ease, even when life feels like a relentless grind.
This unspoken expectation forces many of us to juggle intense demands while masking the effort, perpetuating burnout under the guise of grace.
2. The Physical and Emotional Burden of Childbearing
Pregnancy isn’t a disability, but it is profoundly taxing—physically, emotionally, and mentally. These demands often coincide with critical career-building years, where every decision—whether to lean in or scale back—can have ripple effects for decades.
Add recovery, lactation, and the societal pressure to “bounce back,” without adequate support systems and it’s clear: childbearing introduces a complexity to productivity that most traditional frameworks ignore entirely. The change in family dynamics from joint to nuclear families, an unfortunate but steady move to individual-living cultures, and rising costs of living have started changing the way the next generations are being brought up, with primary caregiving becoming of the mother.
3. Societal Expectations and the "Mental Load"
Women are often the primary caregivers and household managers, and in many cases, this includes responsibilities toward their in-laws. The expectation is on women of the households to carry forward traditions, bring the family together, and ensure the household works without breakdowns, regardless of whether we work outside the home or not.
This ties directly to the “mental load”—the invisible labour of planning, organizing, and remembering tasks to ensure everything runs smoothly. It’s not just about completing tasks; it’s about anticipating needs and orchestrating outcomes, often without the necessary support from other members of the family.
4. Interruptibility and Silos
Studies show women are significantly more likely to be interrupted—whether in meetings, while working from home, or even during moments of rest. When productivity experts preach about carving out “two uninterrupted hours of deep work,” it’s easy to wonder who’s holding the fort while they do it.
The advice is sound but impractical without systemic support. And if we enforce boundaries against interruptions, how are we perceived? As inspiring boundary-setters or as less collaborative and approachable? The same advice that makes our male counterparts more effective works against us due to existing perceptions and biases.
5. The Partner Divide
Many male productivity gurus implicitly or explicitly rely on a partner who takes on a traditional “wife” role—managing the household, childcare, and emotional labor. For women, such support is a rare exception, not the norm, given societal structures. I’m eager to find such relationships. Please comment below if you find yourself as an exception to this. Sharing your story can help others reading this newsletter bring about change in their lives!
6. Hormonal Cycles and Cyclical Productivity
The hormonal changes throughout our menstrual cycle significantly impact energy, mood, and focus. The follicular phase often brings heightened productivity, while the luteal phase may feel more like a slog. Menopause brings its own challenges, from fatigue to emotional shifts, during pivotal career years.
Traditional productivity advice, built on the circadian rhythm model, ignores these natural infradian rhythms, forcing us to conform to a framework that may not align with our biological reality.
7. The Burden of Physical Appearance
Women also face relentless societal pressures to look a certain way—pressures that shift with every trend cycle. Meeting these standards requires time, energy, and mental labor, along with dealing with the pink tax and gender wage gaps, whether through makeup, hair, wardrobe choices, physical appearances, and health standards.
Though it may seem superficial, this invisible labour, layered on top of everything else, adds to the overall toll women face in managing their time and energy.
One of my favourite newsletters is
that covers this as an industry regularly.
Menstrual Unproductivity Is a Systemic Problem
The modern workplace was designed with the male default in mind—a system based on a linear productivity model that assumes consistent energy, focus, and output every day. This works perfectly with the post-industrial revolution world, for 50% of the population. The rise of nuclear families and rigid work schedules entrenched this into our operational default further. For women and those with menstrual cycles, however, productivity is influenced y the natural ebb and flow of hormonal fluctuations.
This bias manifests in several ways:
Rigid schedules: Long hours and shift work are linked to irregular cycles and menstrual conditions like dysmenorrhea.
Stressful environments: A lack of support or security at work can exacerbate period pain and hormonal imbalances.
Inadequate accommodations: A 2022 U.S. study found that 94.6% of employees received no workplace support for menstrual health, despite nearly half desiring it.
Presenteeism: Women often work through symptoms but with reduced efficiency, averaging a 33% productivity loss over 23.2 days annually.
Flexibility desires: Two-thirds of women report wanting flexible schedules during their cycles.
What if the key to shattering glass ceilings isn’t working harder to fit into a system that ignores female physiology? What if it lies in embracing the natural rhythms of our menstrual cycle and creating environments where we can express their productivity more authentically? Instead of struggling to conform to this one-size-fits-all standard, what if we embraced our cyclical rhythms to not just keep up, but excel?
Side note: please read all about love by bell hooks and the dissection by Maria Popova.
The menstrual cycle’s primary hormones, estrogen and progesterone, significantly influence neurochemistry, energy, and cognition. Yet discussions often focus on the "negatives" of hormonal imbalances, sidelining the strengths of understanding and aligning with these cycles.
Rather than defaulting to synthetic hormones to manage symptoms, I want us to be educated on how lifestyle factors like diet, exercise, and stress management can support hormonal balance and productivity. When we view the menstrual cycle not as a hindrance but as a guide, we unlock the potential to align tasks with our cognitive and physical strengths throughout the month.
A major barrier to systemic change is also the gender pain gap—the dismissal of our pain/discomfort as “emotional,” “not real,” or something to simply "deal with." We wait an average of 16 minutes longer than men for pain relief in emergency settings and often underreport symptoms due to cultural conditioning to downplay discomfort. This skews data, further underestimating the real impact of menstrual symptoms on productivity.
Addressing menstrual unproductivity isn’t just about managing symptoms; it’s about reshaping how we define and support productivity through solutions like flexible schedules tailored to cyclical productivity, paid menstrual leave, broader caregiving policies, and workplace accommodations that destigmatize menstruation. It also requires access to education, healthcare, and resources that support hormonal health, along with adequate caregiving facilities and systems for those balancing professional and family responsibilities.
Bloody Good Periods (in the UK) does a great job at creating such inclusive work places. Great Place to Work has an annual list on Best Workplaces for Women (India).
When we stop forcing women to conform to rigid, one-size-fits-all models and instead honour biological differences, we create a more equitable and productive workforce.
Biohacking Productivity Using the Menstrual Cycle
Let’s break down the phases of the menstrual cycle and explore actionable strategies for leveraging each phase to enhance productivity, creativity, and well-being.
Phase 1: Menstrual Phase (Days 1–5)
The menstrual phase marks the start of your cycle, with estrogen and progesterone at their lowest levels and your uterus shedding its lining. This phase is often accompanied by lower energy levels as your body focuses on recovery—a critical part of your infradian rhythm. Think of it as the nighttime of your hormonal 'day.' Just like skipping rest at the end of a long day can leave you burned out, consistently pushing through menstrual exhaustion can lead to an eventual crash, disrupting your body's natural rhythm over time.
During this phase, your resting heart rate (RHR) may fluctuate due to hormonal shifts, as well as pain or discomfort. Prioritizing stress management and relaxation can help stabilize these changes. Simple practices like deep breathing exercises or mindful movement can go a long way in supporting your body during this essential recovery period.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) considers periods a vital sign—a powerful indicator of overall health and well-being. Your menstrual cycle provides critical insights into hormonal balance, bone health, cardiovascular risk, ovarian function, and long-term fertility. By paying attention to your cycle, you’re essentially monitoring an important window into your body’s internal health.
Engage in light, low-impact exercises like walking, stretching, or yoga to improve blood flow, reduce cramping, and boost mood through the release of endorphins.
Apply a warm compress to your lower abdomen or take a warm bath to relax muscles and alleviate menstrual discomfort.
Practice deep breathing exercises for 5–10 minutes, 2–3 times a day, to lower stress levels and promote relaxation.
Maintain a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Avoid processed foods, sugary drinks, and alcohol to support HRV and alleviate symptoms.
Adopt an anti-inflammatory diet if heavy periods trouble you, emphasizing whole grains, leafy greens, fruits, healthy fats, and proteins (affordable & accessible > local/seasonal/organic/etc.). Consider reducing dairy products, sugar (or switching to low-GI alternatives), caffeine, and alcohol.
Prioritize restful sleep by aiming for 7–8 hours per night and establishing a consistent sleep schedule to support your body's natural sleep-wake cycle. While insomnia or disturbed sleep may occur, improving your sleep hygiene over 2–3 months can lead to noticeable improvements.
Focus on stable blood sugar levels during your luteal phase to make the menstrual phase easier. Learn more about this here:
Phase 2: Follicular Phase (Days 6–14)
During this phase, your pituitary gland releases follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), prompting the thickening of your uterine lining and a gradual, steady rise in estrogen levels. Testosterone also begins to increase during the final days of this phase. Together, these hormonal changes boost your strength, energy, and mental clarity.
Phase 3: Ovulatory Phase (Days 15–18)
Ovulation isn’t just essential for fertility—it’s also a cornerstone of overall health. It’s the only time your body naturally produces progesterone and estradiol, the most potent form of estrogen. These hormones play vital roles in regulating mood, energy, sleep, libido, thyroid function, and skin health. They also support stronger bones, cardiovascular health, and even help reduce the risk of certain cancers.
Ovulation marks the peak of your cycle, characterized by surging estrogen levels that prepare your body for a potential pregnancy. This is your most fertile phase of the month.
Phase 4: Luteal Phase (Days 19–28)
This phase is characterized by rising progesterone levels, which can have a calming effect on the brain, bringing relaxation or, in some cases, fatigue depending on your overall health. Some may experience PMS symptoms such as mood swings or bloating, while others with imbalanced cycles might face more severe symptoms. Instead of pushing through any discomfort, it’s essential to tune into your baseline energy levels and plan your energy expenditure around this phase.
As your body identifies that pregnancy hasn’t occurred, it begins preparing for menstruation. Progesterone and estrogen levels decline as your period approaches, and when progesterone production stops entirely, the menstrual phase begins with bleeding.
Manage and regulate stress levels: High stress throughout your cycle, particularly during the menstrual and follicular phases, can worsen PMS symptoms in the luteal phase. Get The Lazy Girl’s Guide To Nervous System Regulation here.
Prioritize sleep hygiene: Establish strong sleep habits in advance to help manage potential resting heart rate (RHR) fluctuations during menstruation.
Reduce sugar intake: Excess sugar can disrupt gut health, a key factor in hormonal balance and mood regulation. This may also destabilize insulin levels and elevate estrogen, contributing to pre-menstrual discomfort. If sweet cravings strike, choose low-GI alternatives like fresh fruit, dried fruit, or other nutrient-dense options.
A Case for Tradition
There’s a long-standing tradition that discourages women from entering temples, kitchens, or performing certain rituals during menstruation. At first glance, this might seem like another outdated rule rooted in patriarchy. But what if it wasn’t always intended to be oppressive? I don’t claim to know the absolute truth, but I’m sharing what I’ve come to understand over time—an alternate way to think about this.
Ancient spiritual practices often emphasized the energy dynamics of the human body. According to Ayurveda, humans are made up of five elements, and women’s energy cycles align with the moon’s 28–30-day rhythm. During menstruation, a specific energy called Apana Vayu—associated with downward flow—becomes dominant. This energy supports the body’s natural processes of release and renewal. Temples and spiritual spaces, on the other hand, are designed to amplify Prana Vayu—an upward, expansive energy aimed at elevating consciousness. For someone highly attuned to their energy, these opposing flows might create discomfort, like mixing ingredients with contradictory properties.
This tradition, as I’ve come to question it, may not have been meant to exclude or stigmatize women but rather to honour their unique needs during menstruation. It may have been a way to encourage rest and introspection during a physically and emotionally demanding time. Unfortunately, over centuries, these practices were co-opted and twisted into tools of control, turning a gesture of care into one of exclusion.
For example, the idea of menstruating women being “impure” may not originally have been about physical cleanliness. Ancient texts refer to the mental and emotional purging that occurs during this time—mood swings, heightened sensitivity, and the release of heavy emotions. In spaces like temples, where high vibrations dominate, this emotional intensity might feel overwhelming for some.
So, should you enter temples during your period? The short answer is: Yes, if it feels right for you. If you’re not experiencing any discomfort—energetic or otherwise—there’s no reason to hold back. Chant, meditate, dance, or pray as you like. For those who might feel uneasy or drained in such spaces, the guidance to rest and focus inward makes sense. It’s all about listening to your body and intuition.
At its core, the idea seems to have been about balance. Menstruation aligns with the infradian rhythm—a longer, monthly cycle—unlike the daily circadian rhythm most of us are familiar with. This phase is comparable to nighttime within that cycle, emphasizing rest, recovery, and introspection. The spiritual recommendation to “take it easy” may not have been about limiting women’s freedom but about ensuring they could restore themselves fully.
Today, energy sensitivity is much less common, and many of us navigate these traditions with modern sensibilities. Personally, I lean toward spirituality over rituals. I practice chanting in my own space and respect others’ requests about their sacred areas. If someone prefers that I avoid entering their temple during this time, I honour that.
The same questioning applies to traditions like Karva Chauth. While it’s often viewed as a patriarchal ritual today, its origins might tell a different story. Observed during the Kartik month, it was traditionally about women prioritizing their own wellbeing—a day of rest and self-care. Somewhere along the way, this shifted to focusing on a husband’s longevity, an interpretation that’s surprisingly recent (around 40 years old in some communities). It’s worth considering whether these practices can be reclaimed for their original intent: honouring the health and balance of women.
Ultimately, I don’t have all the answers, but I think it’s worth exploring whether these traditions were misunderstood over time. They might hold lessons in rest, reflection, and honouring ourselves in ways that still resonate today. Spirituality, after all, is deeply personal. Whether you enter temples, observe rituals, or create your own practices, the choice is yours—and it’s valid as long as it feels authentic to you.
What Happens When You Stop Defending the Castle?
Imagine this: the caretaking is done, the tasks are finished, and the chaos of constant productivity is gone. What’s left? Who are you if you’re not the one doing, fixing, or defending? For many of us, that’s a terrifying question. We’ve been conditioned to see our worth as tied to our output.
Learning to work with your body, not against it, isn’t just a productivity hack—it’s an act of rebellion in a world that equates busyness with value, a world that asks you to outsource your body’s awareness to apps, wearables, and social media.
For me, this has been a transformative shift, reshaping not only how I manage my time but also how I define success. I’m no longer building systems to do more; I’m building them to do less and right. My goal isn’t to fill every moment with tasks but to create spaciousness—room to breathe, reflect, and simply exist. Because here’s the truth: the more you give, the more will be demanded of you. That cycle never ends unless you break it yourself.
Stop defending the castle. Decide what truly needs to be done—for yourself, for others—and let the rest go. The castle will survive without you. The “hustle harder” mentality, the relentless push for linear progress, and the glorification of overwork—it’s time we let those paradigms crumble. If we truly want to redefine success, we need to build systems that honor our cyclical nature, inherent strengths, and individual goals.
As we step into 2025, I’m channeling all my energy into creating calendar white space—more OOO time, fewer to-do’s, no busy work for the sake of busyness, and more getting really damn good at aligning with the natural rhythm of our energy.
Just finished it, and these are some great perspectives Aruna! Hadn't heard about this concept of infrarian cycle before, and I love how much clarity you wrote all of it with. Productivity certainly fails this aspect. No wonder trying to thrive at a workplace feels like an uphill battle for most women.
The bio-hacking bit was especially helpful <3 Thank you!
This is beautiful ❤️ I took my time to read. I started yesterday and finished today (since it is long), but the menstrual cycle part is all I recently came to know while writing for the women's wellness brand. Every category mentioned from the top is so relatable and actually useful Aruna!! I'm sharing it with my folks!