The Reverse Bucket List
Moving from a list of to-be-achieved to a 'wow—I've come this far?'.
Growing up as the elder(est) daughter in the 90’s and 2000’s meant many things:
Everything had to be perfect: You could make no mistakes. Your mistakes were not yours alone to learn from but also a sign that you weren’t ‘taught’ the right way to be.
There was a right way to be: A path had been set. Get
goodgreat marks. Be the best at whatever you (are made to) do. Be successful from Day 1. Failure is a sign of weakness. People looking in should always think that we’ve done everything right.Be inspirational, smart, well-read, and opinionated as long as you don’t question what your elders have set for you.
The world is, fortunately or unfortunately, not the same anymore. I was one of the first generations to grow up with computer classes in school. I grew up listening to how terrible, scary, and unsafe the internet is to elders graduating from WhatsApp University and Facebook Diploma Centres to hold themselves right.
I grew up learning there was a different way to be. A path where you could find yourself. A path that allowed you to create your path, for yourself. No one needs to follow you on this path for it to be successful. Success lies not in numbers but in how well you feel at the end of the day about yourself.
It’s easy to get lost in our planners, to-dos, and bucket lists. A few years ago, I learnt from
the beauty of a wall of love that you have meticulously curated over the years to keep you going. It’s easy to fall into a pit of hopelessness when things don’t seem to be going your way. Over the last two years, this personal curation has helped me keep my head high and keep going from one day to the other with humility, grace, and conviction in myself. recently shared this amazing activity on their newsletter: Make a list of the amazing things you’ve already done. 📋. The reason for doing this stuck me as something that Future Aruna would value: “As someone who tends to be future-minded, I struggle in appreciating what I’ve already done. This exercise was especially helpful to me, as it brought a number of things to mind that I’d totally forgotten about until I focused on them.”I want to share a mental model I like as I think of life and discern how people around me are. If someone’s skin isn’t appealing to me, I may not have the resources or the time to learn about their flesh or core. I’m not opposed to knowing them better but we’ve all got limited time and so much to do. Inherently, I think all people have goodness in them. However, it’s not enough to be good if you’re mid. You also want to be kind. There’s a huge difference between being kind and nice. I always want to strive to be kind.
You can learn more about this mental model here.
I’m going to use Illusory Superiority here only to remember (and share with you) the most pleasant experiences from my life. Some of these might also paint me in a much better light than is true – take it all with a truck of salt. I want to believe and work with the belief that I’m a good-good-good person. Of course, I’ve got my share of everything that’s wrong with me — from others but most of it from myself. I’ll keep it stashed in a corner for my therapist to see when/if it needs that kind of attention.
Worked at and with UNESCO (as an Art + Fashion Lawyer) right out of law school (2018).
I changed careers (successfully) from law → consumer behaviour → healthcare and today I get to do things I love.
I got a full feature of my own in Vogue India! Unbelievable.
Bootstrapped and founded 2 startups in female health → raised investment $$ for the second one.
Was the youngest (and second) woman in India to build a brand of condoms from scratch, and get it sold out in 60 days.
I did this without any experience in business or startups.
I did not know what hustle, founder-market-fit, or cold start meant. I didn’t even know these terms existed.
I made this happen using $$ I’d saved from my job. I’m bloody proud of it.This is also because I did not have/ take up other responsibilities so I do recognise my immense privilege in being able to do this.
Built and failed publicly → kept it real at all times.
I haven’t given up or let go of my dreams no matter what’s come my way. I’m still showing up every day regardless of what’s thrown at me. That is my super strength.
I’m constantly pushing myself to get better at operator skills (especially the ones that I lacked during my startup days). This is something I really care about because I want to startup once again. And this time, it’s going to change the world for good.
I’ve become a positive person to be around. Honestly, this has been so hard at times and especially growing up. I’ve had a lot of learning and growing up from self-pitying and victimising myself to being more positive, confident, and resilient. I want to be around people who care. I want to be around people who love freely. I want to be around people who hope for a better tomorrow. And I want to be one of these people.
I’m constantly pushing my creativity. I’ve also, maybe more importantly, started to see the work I do in female health X startups X luck surface area and the way I lead my life personally X professionally X socially as a creative endeavour with many squiggly parts. This is something I’ve learnt from
and Naina Redhu whose work pushed me to start building in public.
My luck surface area blows even my mind away. Big thanks to
for introducing me to the idea.:I got my gig as an Art & Fashion Lawyer because of everything I’d posted on LinkedIn about my explorations in the space (2018)
I got a scholarship from CXL to pursue a mini-degree in Digital Psychology, Persuasion and Neuromarketing → I shared my learnings on LinkedIn for 12 weeks consistently → Got a job as a conversion strategist at Frictionless Commerce focusing on e-commerce for D2C brands (2020)
I built an online community of womxn who give a damn about their health by showing up every day (2021-onwards)
I got my current role(s) because of the work I’ve done and shared with the world.
I’ve started running again! Brought my 29th birthday in with a 10K run. (2024)
I made some tough decisions to cut some people off that I’d been willing to take a gun for in the past. Choosing myself has been a learning curve that I’m still getting accustomed to. It’s also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I learnt pottery. Most importantly, these lessons were the first time I finally stopped looking at my phone every 5 minutes. Since then, I’ve started incorporating more mindfulness into my life.
I have a section that I wrote in a book that was published (2020).
I moved out and lived solo in my city.
I lived solo in a new city.
I travelled solo to 5 different countries!
I worked on and built a personal relationship that I respect, love, and care for + that’s healing my nervous system dysregulation → love does make my world go round.
I’m learning how to be a better person on the other side of relationships, actively.
Old patterns that I learnt growing up, and that no longer serve me, are being let go of. I’m learning new patterns that are more suited to the life I lead right now and the one I want to work towards. Some resources I highly value:
All About Love by bell hooks → changed my wiring and thinking around love, community, and family
Dr Nicole le Pera and all the wonderful work that she’s done → helped me navigate through this (un)learning and rewiring with the most amazing tools up my sleeve
my therapist → I’ve recently started therapy again
I’ve started seeing the fear of failure as a sign that I am courageous enough to pursue opportunities and goals that matter to me.
Learning how to sit with myself and learn about what I want has been a huge learning curve for me as someone who was ‘fed’ what to think and how to be by the society I grew up in. This is not necessarily a wrong thing — it makes sense from an evolutionary perspective to ensure security, safety, and stability. This conditioning was probably what I needed back then to get to where I had to be to learn this new way of existing.
I’ve learnt that there is no one shot at success. You get multiple opportunities. Every opportunity is a learning experience. I have started approaching my career, and my life in general, like an experiment that hasn’t found PMF in all of its wings. Some are already at 100. Some are navigating the 10-100 journey. Some are getting to 10. Many others are in their 0-1. The only failure is running out of $$/steam to keep going.
I am so, so grateful for this rewiring. It’s helped me take life easy. There’s no rush. I’m not missing out. I’m not being left behind either. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
One thing I’ve got right with the people around me → they are people I respect and am constantly awed by.
I fucking love my company. I love hanging out with myself.
I continue to value my traditions and heritage as I work in an increasingly cosmopolitan world. I’m proud of where I come from.
I’m learning how to rest. I’m learning the different kinds of rest I like. I’m letting go of any guilt around resting.
I’m working on my money patterns with an abundance mindset rather than focusing on scarcity.
The most important person I’ve shown up for in the last 29 years has been myself. Constantly. I’ve faced flak because of this and I’ve had to let go of important relationships. But there came a time when there was no way I could be there for another person without first being there for myself. As I turn 29 this year, this has been my biggest learning. In Queen Taylor’s words:
What a wonderful post! Thanks for taking on the Reverse Bucket List concept and sharing so openly. Sounds like 29 is going to be a very special year for you. 🏆